Every time we get to connect on the phone, it’s like I’m rejuvenated in a sense. I take deep drinks from the well that quenches my soul’s thirst in a way nothing else can begin to. I awake the next day feeling purposeful again. Not that I don’t feel purpose in the days and moments of life, but when we connect in the way we do, I honestly regain something that seems to fade when we do not speak.
Your words always have a way of igniting something deep within me. Maybe they are words I wish I could tell myself, or they touch on a level of truth that is so engrained on my soul that it causes me to feel some kind of fire within… some kind of dormant power or something. Sometimes I believe I just enjoy hearing what you say about me because it gives me validation. And as much as I don’t like to admit that, it feels good to be validated… just like, as a person, you know?! The moon, the flowers, the sunsets… they like to be noticed.
I appreciate your love in a way that I cannot always find words for… However, I feel the desire to try to articulate my feelings through this channel and through our conversations because our unique connection inspires me to do that… it’s like, I want to try to reciprocate the amazing feelings you bring to me. Sometimes I wonder, if you felt even half of what I do – the strength and love – how that would effect your world… your being. Sometimes I wonder how strong my imprint on you and your life really is. Sometimes I wonder how much more I could influence it, if I didn’t hold back a little…
Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the feelings that stir up after/during some of our interactions. Some of the things you say to me are so poetic and make me feel so intense that I catch myself wishing there could be more… and I don’t know if I wish that there was more from YOU or if that’s just a deep desire that stirs up because of some of our conversations. Then I think I’m just over-thinking it and I talk myself off of that cloud.
One of my favourite things you always say to me is how much you love the way I communicate, and that you love my words. You may be one of the only people in the whole universe that has ever said that to me. I mean, my mom would always comment on what a great writer I was and she always encouraged that part of me… but the way you express to me your appreciation for how and what I communicate just makes my heart soar… it makes me feel so good to be recognized, seen, and appreciated in that light.
You’re like my Patrick Swayze… you’re all, “nobody puts Baby in the corner…” except, you’re like, “nobody puts Birdie in the corner…”
I love you.